Feeling Like an Outsider as a Stepparent: My Honest Story on Blending Families

Feeling like an outsider as a stepparent can be a lonely experience. There are still moments when I feel like an outsider in my own family. It’s a feeling that sneaks up on me, often in the quietest moments—like during movie nights or when Travis brings home a treat for the kids but forgets me. It’s not intentional, I know that, but the sting of exclusion is real.

Blending families is not for the faint of heart. It’s a journey filled with love, hope, and countless opportunities to connect, but also with unexpected moments of jealousy and loneliness. I want to share a story about one of those moments—the kind that makes you question where you fit in and how to move forward as a stepmom.

Game Night “Fun”: Feeling Like an Outsider as a Stepparent

One Friday evening, everything seemed perfect. The house was cozy, the fire crackled in the living room, and for once, all the kids liked dinner (pizza is the universal family peacemaker, isn’t it?). Travis and I shared a hopeful glance—the kind that says, maybe tonight will be one of those magical family nights.

We gathered around the dining table, laughter still lingering in the air. Then, the discussion began: What game should we play? My stepkids, Wyni and Zach, immediately suggested Nertz—a fast-paced card game that Travis used to play with his siblings and mom. The game holds a lot of meaning for them. It’s a tradition, a shared culture, a piece of their history that I wasn’t a part of.

But my daughter Kiah hates Nertz. She’s an artist, not a strategist. She’d much rather spend the evening talking about fashion, creating art, or watching a historical drama. I could see the hesitation on her face, the same feeling of being an outsider that I was battling inside. But we went along with it. We always do.

A few rounds in, the fun wore off. The same person (usually Wyni) always wins, and the rest of us are left sitting in a cloud of forced smiles and hidden sighs. I tried to keep things light, to make it fun for Kiah, but the divide was palpable. On one side, Travis and his kids were laughing and bonding. On the other, Kiah and I were hanging on by a thread, feeling the weight of our stepparent struggles.

It wasn’t just about the game. It was about the broader struggle of blending our two family cultures—one that loves spicy food, superhero movies, and competitive card games, and another that prefers mild flavors, theater, and quiet, creative activities. It was about feeling like I was living in “Sonja Arabia” (my not-so-mature nickname for their world) when I wanted to build something new in “Hall Land.” It highlighted the challenge of building connection in blended families where traditions and preferences often clash.

What I Learned About Building Connection in Blended Families

It took me a long time to realize that feeling like an outsider as a stepparent is not a sign of failure. It’s a sign of blending. It’s okay to feel these things. It’s okay to sit with them, acknowledge them, and then let them go.

I’ve learned that blending families is more like America—a nation made up of different states, each with its own culture and traditions. Over time, we find ways to connect without erasing who we are. It’s a melting pot, but it takes time to meld.

These days, I don’t withdraw as much. I no longer take it personally when Travis brings home a candy bar for his kids and not for me. I remind myself that I am part of this family, even when I don’t always feel it. I choose to focus on the moments of connection—when Kiah shares a laugh with Zach, or when I find myself genuinely enjoying a game of Nertz. These small victories help me in finding my place as a stepmom.

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey of Being a Stepparent

If you’ve ever felt like an outsider as a stepparent, know this: you are not alone. It’s okay to feel how you feel. You don’t have to love every moment of blending a family to be building something beautiful. What matters is that you keep showing up, keep loving, and keep creating opportunities for connection—one game night at a time.

Some Common Questions:

📥 Want More Support?

Download our free Blended Family Resource Guide for practical tips and strategies to build stronger connections at home.

💬 Join the Conversation!

What has been your biggest challenge in finding your place within your blended family? Share your story in the comments or join our (small but growing) Blended by Design Facebook Group to connect with others on a similar journey.